Here’s last Wednesday’s headline from the New York Post:
“3 no longer a crowd as open relationships see a boom”
Attention grabbing? For sure. Sensationalist? I don’t think so. The article, in fact, is a sensitively done piece on what a range of poly relationships look like from the inside. It accesses some current research, and quotes from Sexpert Tristan Taormino, whose book on the subject, Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, is selling more copies now than when it was first released in 2008.
Are poly relationships truly on the increase, or are they simply feeling more free to become public? It’s hard to know, but it’s certainly clear we’re hearing more about them.
There were also some fascinating discussions last weekend at Catalyst.Con, which I was unable to attend but followed on its twitter stream. For a peek into what sexperts and professionals are thinking about swinging and poly relationships, follow the hashtag #cconswing and scroll back about a week. A few bon mots:
Janine @OpenJanine We are part of one community: ethical non-monogamists. —@swingsetlife #cconswing #ccon #ssccon
Technogeisha @Technogeisha Not being out give it a “naughty” feeling. Are some swingers worried they will lose that if its out and normal? #cconswing #ssccon
Fred Brown @luhnquil There is no fully out. Every time you meet a new person. It’s just over and over and over again. @ShiraBKatz #cconswing
Dr. Ebony Utley @u_experience some have the privilege to come out; many don’t. race and sexual orientation make publicizing sexual behaviors tricky #cconswing
The other take-away for us, as authors of erotic fiction featuring poly relationships, is that there is a wide variety of choices and arrangements, and there’s no consensus on what the categories are or ought to be. The New York Post offers the following five varieties – but we’ve met so many more, and there are clearly nuances and differences within each, as well.
“Here’s a key to some of the most popular open-relationship styles. And remember, all are consensual — cheating is not kosher!
Open relationship: Umbrella term for any consensual non-monogamous relationship
Polygamy: Think “Big Love.” One spouse, many wives. Illegal.
Monogamish: Don’t-ask-don’t-tell sanctioned cheating in a monogamous relationship
Polyamory: Having a loving relationship — emotional and physical — with multiple people
Swinging: Hook-ups with no-strings attached” [New York Post October 2, 2013]
Of course we hope you’ll take a peek at our Swinging Games Series if you’re curious about some of the swing lifestyle options – we think it offers a pretty realistic snapshot of what a pair of empty-nest baby boomers can experience, and should help feed your fantasies. If you’re looking for more specific guidance, we recommend the book by Tristan Taormino we mentioned at the top of this post, which we will be reviewing in these pages soon.
In the meantime – have fun, and Stay Sexy!
