Okay, I read lots of erotica. Hubs and I write erotica and erotic romance together, and we include anal play in nearly every book we write. Why? Because we love it. Both of us love it.
So I am always distressed when I read scenes by other authors in which anal intercourse is portrayed as painful. There is no need, ever, for the receiving party to experience pain. If pain occurs (and if the participants aren’t seeking pain, which is another story), both participants haven’t paid enough attention to preparation and lubrication. That doesn’t sound very loving or romantic to me.
Most of the scenes I’m referring to follow the painful anal entry with exquisite pleasure, making clear the recipient believes the pain is worth it. I don’t doubt that it’s worth it – I just don’t think pain is a necessary price to pay.
So I was very pleased to see sex educator Charlie Glickman’s Blog today about recent research on anal sex and women. The study he’s discussing found that nearly half of the heterosexual women in their sample who’d experienced anal intercourse in the last year had to discontinue the experience due to pain or discomfort. Glickman goes on to suggest what follow-up questions should be asked to uncover the causes of painful anal intercourse – and, hopefully, to lead to solutions that prevent pain and increase pleasure.
The crucial ingredients to prevent pain? In my experience, attitude, education, lubrication and preparation. Did hubs and I always love it? Speaking for myself here, no. I started out with a negative attitude and didn’t even want to go there. He accepted that. But once we started using videos to spice up our bedroom encounters, I had a chance to watch others receiving anal pleasure, and my attitude shifted. We are always looking for new and exciting ways to keep our sex lives fresh and innovative.
The next step, of course, was education. We had help from two sources here and I highly recommend both of them: the Better Sex Guide to Anal Pleasure (available HERE), and Nina Hartley’s Guide to Anal Pleasure (available HERE).
Lubrication and preparation? Self explanatory, I hope. And both elements can be an extended source of sexual pleasure all by themselves, whether or not they culminate in anal penetration for either partner.
So those are the kinds of anal scenes we write in our novels – tender, caring, sensual, arousing, and explicitly exciting. We hope you enjoy them!
